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I was sexually abused when I was eight. I felt so disgusting and used, but I never told my mum because I thought she would hate me and not want me.

When I finally told her, she was unable to cope with the situation and ended up putting me in foster care. I would cry all night because I blamed myself. I’d wonder why I was born and wished that I was dead.

Luckily, my time in care was brief. I was soon reunited with my family once my mum had dealt with what had happened to me. After this traumatic experience, I closed myself in a shell. I didn’t trust anyone enough to tell them what had happened and so kept myself to myself. At school I was quiet and rarely spoke to others. Everyone around me seemed so happy and I thought I was the only one going through pain and hurt. I thought I was ugly and skinny and that no one would ever like me.

I hated school. I bunked off for days. All I wanted was to be re-born, to be new but it seemed impossible. By year nine I turned into a party girl who was the centre of attention where boys were concerned. This became my way of filling the void I felt inside. But this pursuit of happiness only resulted in a broken heart, a bruised ego and a bad reputation.

I got into a relationship, and I thought I’d finally found the person who would fill the void I felt inside. At first, things were going well and we even moved in together but it wasn’t long until the honeymoon period came to an end. All we ever did was argue, fight and break up all the time. He would stay out for days with friends or family. My life with him was always up and down. At 19, I fell pregnant with my son - I thought that would make our relationship better - it only made things worse.

My boyfriend didn’t want the child and in the hope of pleasing him I booked an appointment to have an abortion but when the day came, I couldn’t go through with it. As the pregnancy progressed, I went back to the same relationship. He ended up in jail for most of it! One year after my son was born I found out he had cheated on me.

As I was browsing the net, I remembered a friend once brought me to the VYG (Victory Youth Group), so that’s what I typed in. I read case studies of people whose lives were transformed and it intrigued me - especially those in the VYG section because they were young people like me. What really made me come was the ‘There’s No Place Like Home’ film on the site. I related to it so much because the story was so similar to mine. In the film the girl, Pavola, overcame abuse and I thought, ‘I have to meet this girl’. I wanted to know what she did to change and move forward.

Funnily enough, the first person I spoke to when I came to the VYG was Pavola. She invited me to the Youth Group and I came. I liked how there were so many young people in the group. The running around and jumping was weird at first but there was something that just kept me coming back. I opened up to assistants and spoke to other young mothers in the Youth Group who encouraged me to fight for a better life. I attended the youth meetings on Thursdays. The more I took it seriously, the more I started to change.

I don’t feel lonely or down anymore and I no longer follow a crowd, I’m not depressed, I’m going back to uni this year, and the emptiness I felt inside has gone.

Sabrina Durant

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